Dartmouth Basketball Team Suspiciously Quiet on Chinese Abuses

As the Chinese crackdown in Hong Kong and abuses of Uighur Muslims attract global scrutiny, one group on campus has been conspicuously silent: the Dartmouth men’s basketball team.

“I guess I’m not really that informed about global issues,” said Jack D’Arco ’21, a government major with a minor in international relations. “As athletes, and collegiate ones at that, it’s not really our place to take a stand on political matters.”

“Yeah, not exactly sure what’s going on in those, uh, vocational schools President Xi set up in Xinjiang,” added Steve Durschitz ’20, checking an index card. “But it’s certainly very nice of him to provide training for religious and ethnic minorities!”

Nick Johnson ’22 acknowledged the need for international awareness, noting that some members of the team had begun attending Mandarin drill sessions in their free time. “It is really important to be educated on different cultures,” he remarked, “especially a gloriously ascendant one like that of the People’s Republic!”

The Dartmouth Basketball coach refused to comment on Chinese policy, and stressed that the team’s goal was “not to focus on politics, but rather to help build the teamwork and cooperation skills that are essential to building a career inside or outside of the NBA.”

– EL ’23