Man Convinced that Girl Replying to Canvas Discussion Dropping Mad Hints

The following is an excerpt from the official Jack-o-Lantern advice column, “Jack-o-Landing that Lady.”

Dear Auntie Jacko,

          I think I found the one. And the best part? She approached me first!

3 days ago, I checked back on my Chem 6 discussion to write my mandatory response to one of my classmates. You know, like any other day. I scrolled down to my comment. I don’t know why, maybe I was just curious. Maybe… it was fate. Because there she was. Cami Widjaja. She told me that my comments on Iron nanoparticles are interesting. Interesting!

It’s not even what she said. You’re only required to write one response per week. So out of everyone, she chose me. Me! That’s gotta mean something right?

She then started talking about how my comments were “thoughtful,” “comprehensive,” and “makes sense.” Like, oh my God. Could she come off any stronger?

That was rhetorical, by the way. 

Sorry if this is all over the place. I’m just head over heels right now! I looked at her Canvas profile picture, and I’ll tell you. She is quite the looker. You can’t zoom in on those, and they’re pretty small, so as far as I know, she’s either blonde, or it’s just a picture of her golden retriever. 

She ended our little ~flirty~ exchange by saying that I made a lot of thought-provoking good points. And I’m like “I wanna show you my thought-provoking good point.” 

I’m thinking about replying back to her. I know it’s not required, and it won’t help my grade but goddamn it I just can’t help myself! Maybe if I’m feeling bold, I’ll even follow her on Instagram. I’m doing it for love.

Crazy in Love,

Got Chemistry

Dear Got Chemistry,

          Shit yeah dude go for it.

-Auntie Jacko

Dear Auntie Jacko,

          This week she commented on someone else’s post. Fucking whore.

-Danny Choi

-NS ’23