Classy Student Converts Dick Pic to PDF Before Sending

Chase Jenkins ’21 has stepped up the dick pic game by converting his jpgs to pdfs before sending, a much classier and sophisticated alternative to the .img files of the past.

“I think I’m really elevating the art form here,” Chase told reporters. “For so long the medium has been stuck in jpegs, but I’m breaking some new ground. And sure it takes up more time and disc space, but ladies notice the superior outcome.”

Pulling up a piece of his for reference, Chase gestured to the screen, saying “See the pixelation and distorted coloration here, that’s what you get when you use an amateur compression format.” 

Chase makes sure to send his magnum opus through email with an unsuspecting subject line, because “so much image quality is lost when sending it through text. It’s despicable.”

“I like ladies to know that I really value their time. I don’t want to waste their day by making them look at some grainy images on their small phone screen. The larger screen of a computer and the higher resolution makes the highlights and the shadows of image pop, and that’s how you know you’ve made it.”

And after buying a new DSLR camera, amateur hour is over.

“I, of course, shoot the pictures in RAW, which gets the exposure just right,” Chase says. “And the editing software at the Jones Media Center has really helped take the pictures to the next level. Although, sometimes they object to me having my ‘art’ up on display,” he says, winking, “If you know what I mean.”

Jessica Butler ‘22 has been on the receiving end of these pictures, and despite them being sent unsolicited, she had nothing but positive things to say: “I’ve been sent so many dick pics over this year, most of them total trash. But Chase’s art is different. You can’t help but stop and appreciate the care and dedication Chase has.”

At press time, Chase is beginning a workshop series for fellow artists. He thinks it’s only right to share his tour de force with the less fortunate.

“Chase is doing God’s work, there’s no doubt about it,” photographer Daniel Richardson ’21 said, “After taking one of his classes, my pictures no longer got me immediately blocked.”

 

-AJ ’23