Greeting, I am Dr. Noah: chair of the aquatic engineering department from the Thayer school at Dartmouth University. You have received this email because you have opportunity to work with me. Should you choose to accept the offer, you will temporarily act as one of my personal assistants as we work on a large, upcoming construction project. To satisfy whatever curiosity you have, I care about student welfare, environmental activism, animal rights, heavy rain, the wrath of a vengeful old testament god, and lots more.
This is a very simple employment. You will only help me mail some letters, make a few payments, carry lumber, spray for locusts, wrangle large game, and prepare for the Great Flood. This employment only takes an hour a day for trial period of 40 days and 40 nights and then has the potential to become a full time, paid position. I unfortunately cannot meet up for an interview because I am currently communing with the lord in an undisclosed location. I look forward to hearing from you as soon as possible, as I can only accept one man and one woman for the job!
Best regard,
Dr. Noah D’Arc
— BM ’26
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