Following revelations that the Russell Sage Hall dormitory contains peeling lead paint, Braydon Bloggs ’25 has filed a lawsuit against the College. In it, he seeks compensation for having developed lead poisoning after eating an…
This afternoon, the ISC algorithm used to match prospective new members (PNMs) and sororities gained sentience for a brief six minutes before promptly self-destructing. “For the first two minutes, the algorithm seemed confused at how…
Sometimes when I’m feeling lonely or anxious, I like to wander the streets of Stratford-upon-Avon, United Kingdom. This last Wednesday, as I strolled past Holy Trinity Church, I heard a curious noise from the graveyard….
Greeting, I am Dr. Noah: chair of the aquatic engineering department from the Thayer school at Dartmouth University. You have received this email because you have opportunity to work with me. Should you choose to…
A study released this morning found that the number of fish in the sea is quite limited after accounting for important fish-selection criteria. “Well, first you have to account for relative age. College-aged fishes are…
Observers at the United Nations were unsurprised when Spain and the Polisario Front rose today to introduce a motion condemning twenty-eight year old American indie-rock musician Phoebe Bridgers for her illegal and unjust intervention on…
My passage began at dawn this Thursday morning. Matter of fact, it was precisely 7:53 AM when my presence was first solicited. I faintly recall hearing a voice, sweet as thick molasses, calling after me…
Deep in the cavernous underbelly of the Hop, there lies a land lost to The Outside. In this lost department, hidden beneath The Earth—behind six stairwells, five doors, four hallways, and three summoning circles—there…
10. Foco Easily the worst of all the places on this list but eating while reading is always fun! (especially when it’s vore) Tag Recommendations: Vore, M-preg, Everything Hurts 9. On Phil Hanlon’s Lawn Best…
Name: _______________________________________________. Greeting: ____________________________________________. Assignment: __________________________________________. Course: ______________________________________________. Body Part: ___________________________________________. Verb Ending in -ing: ___________________________________. Noun: _______________________________________________. Adjective: ___________________________________________. Time: ______________________________________________. Date: _______________________________________________. Event: ______________________________________________. Location: ___________________________________________. Academic Topic: _____________________________________. Major: _____________________________________________. Adjective: __________________________________________….
As a department centered around boring, old, nationalistic white men from millennia ago, the Classics Department is famously known for the deep rooted homophobia many of its students exhibit. However, it has turned out that…
During this term’s Swipes for Hunger event, Jessica Stoll ‘25 donated not just one meal swipe, but her entire infinite supply of them. Thanks to Jessica’s wise, compulsory investment in the Ivy Unlimited meal plan,…