Dear Dartmouth administration, While I truly appreciate all the hard work of the Dartmouth O-Farm, and I acknowledge all the good that it has done, I believe it is time that we start farming other…
Meeting was called to order at 7:03 pm, since Cristina was late again but she brought homemade granola for the group. 7:05 Wendy led the group in an icebreaker, lining up against the wall in…
19x Corporate Recruiting JPD Brochure
I would love to use a paper straw instead of a plastic one, it’s just that killing the sea turtles is actually step one in my forty-seven-point World Domination Plan. I don’t like your tone. …
With sophomore summer already underway, the class of 2021 is already looking forward to completely disregarding all the money their parents put into their education so that they could have the “most epic” 19X ever! Students often…
In a bold and privy campaign move, Congressman Beto O’Rourke spoke English for the vast majority of Wednesday’s first Democratic debate. According to political commentators, this striking move represents an effort by the O’Rourke campaign…
Stevenson! STEVENSON! Get in here, Goddamnit! Now quit cowering! Stevenson, look, there’s a whole lot of money resting on this project, and a whole lot of people counting on me to make that money for…
The administration has released its style guidelines for any new educational buildings on campus, as maintained by “The Committee of Men Who Keep the Old Traditions from Failing but Really Just Get Shitfaced at their…
This paper’s foreign correspondents have corroborated accounts of starving children all over Yemen weeping while watching broadcasts of the Notre Dame cathedral’s conflagration. Said Amin Al-Fawad, a fifteen-year old who gets his meals from relief…
Eyewitness reports say Devon Jennings, prospective ‘23, was paying far more attention to Amelia Evans, ‘23, than the official Dartmouth dimensions programming. While the majority of other students watched the dancing and performance specially performed…
Last Saturday afternoon, Maddie Holt, 19, attended her first ever pride parade. Holt, who fellow parade-goers described as “the most privileged cishet you’ll ever meet,” claimed that the annual celebration of the LGBT community was…
Eyewitnesses report that during 12s last Wednesday, Math 13 professor Michael Stornetti introduced increasingly threatening examples of when he would quiz his Math 13 students. “Now, Jeremy, if I stopped you on the street and…