Despite receiving positive feedback from students, guests, and campus security officials alike regarding its current Green Key ticketing system, Dartmouth’s undergraduate Programming Board announced via campus-wide email last weekend that it would be forced to…
It’s not hard to understand why everyone is talking about Kanye West’s new song “Lift Yourself.” To the uninitiated, the song merely sounds like Kanye had a stroke while dropping the bars that he promised…
As President, I have often heard from students who are worried about on-campus housing. From comments about the room draw process to criticisms of the upkeep of dorm buildings, I’ve heard it all, and I…
After spending several decades as a core part of Dartmouth’s alcohol and drug policy, the Good Samaritan clause will no longer be in effect, President Hanlon announced last week. In its place, as part of…
Speaking from his pong table last night, local nice guy and fraternity member Simon Reynolds claimed his frat isn’t like the others on Webster Avenue. “I mean, speaking from experience, there are just a lot…
Oh, you’re writing a thesis? Well, I have some news for you. You may be writing a thesis, but I wrote 95 of them, bitch. Before I start, I just want to point out…
A giant pile of ice has been accepted to the Dartmouth Class of 2022, according to Admissions officials who released application decisions on Thursday. The huge and dirty mound of ice, which currently resides along…
The popular survey app Pulse announced today that they have partnered with God, the omnipotent being that has existed since the beginning of time. “We’ve been trying to reach out to Him for a long…
Every student at Dartmouth has witnessed the all-too-common scene of an expended condom lying on the sidewalk. The problem is usually framed as a public health and sanitation issue; however, there’s another rarely discussed side…
You cruel bastards. You heartless sons of bitches. You all brought me here with smiles on your faces and joy in your hearts, you made me the centerpiece of a legendary campus tradition, and then…
Valentine’s Day means different things to different people. For many, it is a joyous day of connecting with the people they love. For others, it can be bitter, angry, or even sad. Regardless of personal…
Happy Valentine’s Day! Here at the Jacko, we know it can be hard to navigate a romantic holiday when you and the person you’re seeing aren’t official. Fortunately, these nine cards send just the right…