Dartmouth’s Scariest Halloween Costume 2019: The Administration’s Slow Response to Sex Abuse!

It’s one week after Halloween, and our reporters hit the campus streets to find out which costumes Dartmouth students thought were the scariest. 

“Emma Wu’s zombie costume sent shivers down my spine!” says Mathew Jennings ’21, “But I think the scariest costume was Lucas Herez’s, who dressed up as Dartmouth’s disturbingly slow response to sexual abuse allegations.”

Lili Dorchester ’21 agreed, adding “I love how Lucas’ costume incorporated the fact that former Dartmouth Professors Todd Heatherton, William Kelley, and Paul Whalen maintained their positions as professors for months despite eight credible and extremely disturbing accusations of sexual assault. How spooky!” 

“Personally, I’m not a huge fan of scary Halloween costumes – they can be a little lame” says Josiah Williams ’22, “but I gotta admit Lucas’ costume creeped me out. It is pretty scary how many Dartmouth students view President Phil Hanlon as a meme instead of a deeply flawed president who enacted sexual assault prevention policies that are more half-assed PR stunts then genuine attempts to tackle a serious systemic problem.”

After noticing that Lucas’ costume was a clear favorite, our reporters decided to ask him if he’s thought about what he’s going to dress up as next year. 

“That’s one of the perks of a fundamentally unresponsive administration,” replied Lucas Herez, “my costume will be just as relevant next year, and the year afterwards, and the year after that!”

 

-AK ‘22