Frigid Bitch! This Woman is Entirely Encapsulated in Ice

Described by her coworkers as a “frigid bitch,” local woman Isabella Sugiarto has not had a pleasant week, as she was encapsulated entirely in a block of ice. Coworker Robert Wigley was especially cruel. “Ugh, did you see Isabella today? Would it kill her to smile more?” said Wigley, referring to Sugiarto’s grotesque scowl, her scream frozen in place on account of the fact that she was encased within a block of ice. Indeed, most of the men in the office agreed that Sugiarto wasn’t “fun to look at,” likely because she is a woman who currently exists within a 4’ x 4’ x 6’ cuboid glacier. At press time, Sugiarto was also accused of giving the men in the office the “cold shoulder.” Though it is also worth noting that she anatomically also gave them the cold elbow, cold eyeballs (plural), and cold latissimus dorsi. 

– NS ’23