Among the many dreaded criminal organizations called “Sports Teams” on campus, the golf team have recently become notorious for their sadism. Ever since Dartmouth turned its golf course into a park last year, golf related…
Students report that the Telluride film playing tonight in Dartmouth’s Hopkins center for the arts is “really something.” “Wow,” elaborated Josh Davis ’24. “That was a film. Wow.” When asked if this was positive or…
This just in—you did it! Your far-right congressman was so moved by your copy-pasted email that he’s done a complete 180 on every single one of his policies. Rep. Oren Mascow (R-MO) announced the change…
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Hey fuckface! Yeah, that’s right I’m talking to you. Do you smell that? Do you smell that glorious fucking smell on this glorious fucking day that’s wafting down Mass row? That’s right motherfucker. It’s fucking…
Amidst the summer recruiting cycle, Dartmouth students everywhere are presenting the best versions of themselves as recruiters for top finance and consulting firms flock to campus. “It’s not about the money,” declared Sam Redford ’22,…
I, Xerxes son of Darius, Great King of Persia and Media, King of Kings, King of the Lands; Master of Libya, Egypt, Arabia, Ethiopia, Babylonia, Chaldea, Phoenicia, Elam, Syria, Assyria and the nations of Palestine;…
As a nasty cold makes its way across campus, Dartmouth students find themselves “completely at a loss” as to how to stop the spread of this airborne respiratory illness, despite over a year of learning…
This past weekend, the Dartmouth Outing Club’s Sophomore Trips program helped students venture into the outdoors to hike, canoe, and more. STRIPS also provided a valuable opportunity for students still on the housing waitlist to…
As temperatures in your dorm continue to rise, even at night, with no air conditioner, we’re here to answer the question on everyone’s minds: how can you decorate your room accordingly? 1-2 hours a day…
Holy Guacamole! That’s a long handle! Still, I’m sad to say that this sword’s not a new one, on account of the fact that all the swords have already been made. That gem on the…
Dean of the College Dear Returning Students, You are receiving this message, today, because you submitted your Housing Intentions form and requested a bed assignment on campus for fall. We are pleased to announce a…