Fake D 18F
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Heartwarming: Local Man Donates Kidney to Stranger in Exchange for Stranger’s Equally Functioning Kidney
It really doesn’t get more inspiring than this story, brought to us from Boston, MA where a local citizen committed an admirably selfless act. Earlier this week Samuel Hillman, aged 37, reportedly donated his kidney…
Religious Groups on Campus Absolutely Burning with Sexual Tension
An investigation by this paper has found that religious groups on Dartmouth’s campus have become magnets for extreme amounts of sexual tension due to the common ground shared by members of said groups and the…
Next Dartmouth College Republicans Guest Speaker Literally the Reincarnated Corpse of Adolf Hitler
In a somewhat surprising announcement, the Dartmouth College Republicans have announced the guest speaker for a talk they will host next week: it’s literally the reincarnated corpse of Adolf Hitler. “We believe that our speaker…
A Woman Really Can Have It All, If By “It All” You Mean The Rest Of This Chicken Taco Because I Do Not Want It Anymore
It’s 2018, and I truly believe that we have reached the age where, in spite of centuries of gender-based oppression, a woman can finally have it all. That is, of course, if by “it all”…
I love voting so much, I voted twice!
Hi, my name is Polly, and on Tuesday I voted! I love voting so much! Voting makes me the happiest I have ever been. Ever. I have never been happier. Nothing makes me happier than…
GroupMe Member Still Sending Police Scanner Updates
Four days after the shooting of a teenager in Hanover, one person in your GroupMe has continued to listen to the Hanover Police scanner, group members report. Though most people in your “Chem 5 Study…
How Can One Student Make Any Class a Layup? The Answer May Surprise You!
Brian Watson ’22 recently discovered the best kept secret on campus, just in time for winter course selection. “Anything can be a layup,” Brian said. “You just have to give up.” “I can’t believe no…
22s Get in the Spooky Spirit as they Die en Masse
Whether dressed as witches, ghosts, or ghouls, the Class of 2022 indiscriminately showed their true commitment to spooky season as they died en masse this past Wednesday. Frat row was sent into nothing short of…
Did The Dartmouth Review Actually Say This Within the Past Five Years, Or Are We Just Fucking With You?
The Dartmouth Review, unaffiliated with Dartmouth College, was founded by a group of conservative Dartmouth students disillusioned with The Dartmouth in 1980. Known for producing Dinesh D’Souza, Laura Ingraham, and an extended “Controversies” Wikipedia subsection,…
Dartmouth Students, “America’s Best and Brightest,” Really Struggling To Understand Why Touching Bonfire A Bad Idea
In spite of the exceptional intellectual capabilities and leadership skills that earned them their places at one of the nation’s most exclusive universities, roughly 900 members of Dartmouth’s Class of 2022 remain unconvinced that bull-rushing…
Students Of College Where Everyone Touches Each Other And Drinks From The Same Gross Cups Surprised Disease Is Spreading
Recent health reports from Dartmouth college have revealed that, in a shocking turn of events, an outbreak of the coxsackie virus, colloquially known as “hand-foot-and-mouth disease,” has been spreading among the student body, members of…