Hellooo students, I’m here to make some announcements about the awesome events we’ve put together for you all as part of the HOUSE COMMUNITY CARNIVAL! We’ll be kicking off this Monday with donuts from Lou’s!!…
Do you even know what a W means? W is for Win. W-I-N, bro. Yeah, that’s right. You fucking won the course. You were just too good! That professor was crying after the discussion. Tears…
Life is full of big decisions, and among the everyday hustle, bustle, and tussle, it can often be difficult to sort out what you really want. As the fall weather sets in, and Dartmouth students…
For the Frankston family, twas a calm autumn night, Little Timmy in bed, to his parents’ delight, Robert and Sue Frankston were all settled in Ready for a peaceful night’s slumber to begin Then all…
Just about five o’clock, when my feet started to creep ‘round my desk towards the door to lock it, she walked in with the case. I have terrific luck. The name’s Charlie Yu, Private Investigator….
Dear members of the Dartmouth community, As some of you may have noticed, 2022 marks the fiftieth anniversary of coeducation on campus. In 1972, former Dartmouth president John G. Kemeny benevolently created a year-round quarter…
Dear Rho Gamma Jackie, Thank you so much for guiding me through the rush process this term! I wanted to reach out and ask you some questions about Sorority Bidet tomorrow. You see, my mom’s…
Hello Professor Barton, I hope this email finds you well. I would like to apologize for missing yesterday’s lecture, I got caught up in a primordial struggle with an eldritch being right before I was…
Following revelations that the Russell Sage Hall dormitory contains peeling lead paint, Braydon Bloggs ’25 has filed a lawsuit against the College. In it, he seeks compensation for having developed lead poisoning after eating an…
This afternoon, the ISC algorithm used to match prospective new members (PNMs) and sororities gained sentience for a brief six minutes before promptly self-destructing. “For the first two minutes, the algorithm seemed confused at how…
Sometimes when I’m feeling lonely or anxious, I like to wander the streets of Stratford-upon-Avon, United Kingdom. This last Wednesday, as I strolled past Holy Trinity Church, I heard a curious noise from the graveyard….
Greeting, I am Dr. Noah: chair of the aquatic engineering department from the Thayer school at Dartmouth University. You have received this email because you have opportunity to work with me. Should you choose to…