Philistines! (Scene Two)
Or the Electrodynamics of a Moving Body
Nasser is a Senior Fellow at the College. Each Senior Fellow completes an independent, interdisciplinary project in lieu of taking classes or finishing a major. His project ‘Playing with Science’ is advised by faculty from the Theater, History, and Physics departments, and examines the inherently human character of science. PHILISTINES! dramatizes the hardships faced by a young, brash, and unemployed Albert Einstein, soon after his graduation from the Swiss Polytechnic.
ACT ONE, SCENE TWO
The turn of the twentieth century. A cramped dark office at the Swiss Polytechnic. HEINRICH FRIEDRICH WEBER sits behind his desk uncomfortably. ALBERT sits across from him comfortably; he thinks he is about to be offered a job.
WEBER
I’m sorry.
ALBERT
I don’t understand.
WEBER
Based on your trial lecture, I cannot offer you a teaching assistantship for next year.
ALBERT
Because of -?
(Holds up his bandaged right hand)
WEBER
There are a number of factors-
ALBERT
Herr Professor, you saw it. It was the apparatus. The power supply must have-
WEBER
The decision was not simply based on –
ALBERT
But Herr Professor, you do understand that. It was the battery.
WEBER
It was not the battery.
ALBERT
It was either the battery or the-
WEBER
Herr Einstein, the electromagnetic induction demonstration has been a part of my lectures since 1871. It is a simple demonstration. Electrons flow from the power supply-
ALBERT
I know how-
WEBER
-from the battery through the conductive wire. The movement creates voltage. The voltage creates magnetism. Never before has the power supply been a problem.
ALBERT
The apparatus was quite old.
WEBER
Well if you had tested it before you started, as you had been instructed –
ALBERT
I did.
WEBER
you would not have sabotaged your own trial lecture.
ALBERT
I tested it with the battery in the laboratory, not with the battery in the classroom.
WEBER
Herr Einstein, your actions were negligent and dangerous. Not to mention the damage you did to the classroom, the apparatus-
ALBERT
Herr Weber, it will never happen again.
WEBER
No, it won’t. Because you won’t lecture here again.
ALBERT
Herr Weber, it was one accident.
WEBER
Yes. It was one accident – that capped off a – I am sorry to say – lazy and feeble lecture on electromagnetism.
(pause.)
WEBER
I gave you my notes as a guide. Now I did not expect you to deliver my lectures word for word, in fact, if you remember, I discouraged it. On the other hand, there are a number of critical principles that you simply omitted. In addition, you lacked any semblance of a structure.
ALBERT
It’s not that … I … When I was a student here, when I took your class, you taught it as a history of electromagnetism: “1820: Oersted finds moving electrons carry magnetism. 1831: Faraday finds moving magnets carry electricity.” It’s not –
WEBER
Yes?
ALBERT
I just thought it would be more interesting to teach electromagnetism through contemporary research.
WEBER
Poincaré?
ALBERT
Exactly. Someone alive everybody has heard of.
WEBER
What you seem not to understand, Herr Einstein, however dry you might find the material, is that this is an introductory course.
ALBERT
Right. And when I was taking the class-
WEBER
Three years ago.
ALBERT
– I wondered why everything seemed to stop at 1850. You didn’t even mention Maxwell’s equations. Not once.
WEBER
I’m starting to resent your tone, Herr Einstein.
ALBERT
I apologize if I’m coming off as ungrateful, but I learnt about Maxwell’s equations from my own reading. After I graduated.
WEBER
One cannot understand Maxwell without first understanding –
ALBERT
What about the ether drift experiments? Your lectures talk about the luminiferous ether as if Newton had the last word. You didn’t even mention-
WEBER
In ten years no one will remember those experiments.
ALBERT
And Poincaré? The work of Poincaré, you must admit, is changing how we understand electrodynamics-
WEBER
That may or may not-
ALBERT
They say he’s going to finish physics. Finish the entire field. In the next two years. And you still want to teach Newton?
WEBER
I’m sorry my physics course is not fashionable enough for you, Herr Einstein.
(pause.)
ALBERT
I … I can redo the lecture.
WEBER
That won’t be necessary.
ALBERT
I can have it on your desk tomorrow. Read it and then decide.
WEBER
I’m afraid the decision has already been made.
ALBERT
Please.
WEBER
All of the teaching assistantships for next year have already been filled.
ALBERT
What?
WEBER
Now if you’d like I could forward a letter of reference on your behalf to-
ALBERT
I’m sorry?
WEBER
-to several colleagues of mine.
ALBERT
I thought you had four slots.
WEBER
And they’ve all been filled.
ALBERT
Kollros, Ehrat, Grossman and Einstein. You had four graduates and four slots.
WEBER
It seems not to have worked out that way.
ALBERT
Did you offer Grossman a job?
WEBER
Herr Einstein.
ALBERT
Did you?
WEBER
That’s not-
ALBERT
Did you?
WEBER
That’s not your business.
ALBERT
You did. I’m the only one.
WEBER
Yes. Fine. You’re the only one.
ALBERT
So who’s the fourth?
WEBER
It doesn’t matter.
ALBERT
It does to me.
WEBER
It shouldn’t.
ALBERT
Is it Reinhold?
WEBER
Herr Einstein.
ALBERT
It’s Reinhold, isn’t it?
WEBER
Herr Einstein, you’re being quite petty, and I’d advise you to stop.
(short pause.)
ALBERT
I apologize.
WEBER
Yes.
(short pause)
ALBERT
I appreciate your … constructive criticism about the lecture. Again, I apologize for the damage to the classroom and if it isn’t too much trouble, I would appreciate it if you … would send out the letters you mentioned.
WEBER
No trouble at all.
A free public reading of PHILISTINES! will take place in the Hopkins Center on May 29, 2008.