Last Wednesday, MIT, Harvard, and other institutions successfully lobbied Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) to rescind a rule barring international students from returning to the U.S. for online college. After the decision was reversed, these…
This June, Dartmouth College began returning student belongings left behind in dorm rooms after winter term, shipping across the country at the College’s expense. Unfortunately, logistical complications have arisen beyond just organizing movers and postage,…
At the end of May, a renewed Civil Rights struggle for Black Americans emerged despite the complications and chaos of the COVID-19 pandemic. Throughout June and the beginning of July, many Dartmouth students refocused their…
BREAKING NEWS: A nation-wide plywood shortage has caused deforestation rates to hit an all-time high. The cause of this extensive environmental damage has been traced to “those elite Dartmouth assholes who can’t just play pong…
Many are saying it is high time for Mr. Trump to look back to Franklin Delano Roosevelt’s example to deal with COVID-19. That said, we must be cautious, for if FDR were alive today, he…
Chase Jenkins ’21 has stepped up the dick pic game by converting his jpgs to pdfs before sending, a much classier and sophisticated alternative to the .img files of the past. “I think I’m really…
After much reflection, I have found my conscience requires me to bring to light a grave wrong in our community. This injustice was apparent upon my first visit to a fraternity, where I overheard a…
The following is an excerpt from the official Jack-o-Lantern advice column, “Jack-o-Landing that Lady.” Dear Auntie Jacko, I think I found the one. And the best part? She approached…
As part of our series about college students adapting to life at home, this week we interview Ethan, who has had to deal with the harsh reality that his mother won’t hit his Juul. “Bro,…
The COVID-19 pandemic and subsequent national stay-at-home orders have disrupted the social and romantic routines of millions of Americans. These unprecedented circumstances have hit particularly hard for Dartmouth student Jeremy Higgins ‘22, who laments the…
Jimplin’s Mustard Hut has permanently closed its doors due to the COVID-related absence of its usually hungry customers. Jimplin Greegs, resident mustard connoisseur and occasional heartthrob, announced his decision this morning by scrawling illegible messages…
The cancellation of spring term has been a living nightmare for Dartmouth students in every way. This Green Key, Jacko is thinking a lot about how sad we are that we can’t bring back our…