A Plea for Valentine’s Day
Valentine’s Day means different things to different people. For many, it is a joyous day of connecting with the people they love. For others, it can be bitter, angry, or even sad. Regardless of personal…
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Valentines that make it clear you’re just hooking up
Happy Valentine’s Day! Here at the Jacko, we know it can be hard to navigate a romantic holiday when you and the person you’re seeing aren’t official. Fortunately, these nine cards send just the right…
I hate Valentine’s Day because it’s the anniversary of the death of my parakeet Belinda, and not because I’m a lonely single guy who collects parakeets
It’s no secret that February 14th is my least favorite day of the year. I can’t stand the Valentine’s cards and candy, the happy couples I see on the streets, or the overwhelming pressure to…
Dartmouth Voices: College sends e-mail advising students not to catch bats in dorms
“Don’t catch the bats? But I only need three more!” – Tracy Divis Bats Major “I knew about not catching chlamydia, herpes, or gonorrhea, but ‘the bats’ is a new one for me.”…
How to make a peanut butter sandwich for your child after he walks in on your six-way BDSM sex-fest
1. Get untied. Your little angel will be less worried once you’re not dangling upside down from the sex swing with a ball gag in your mouth. 2. Shield that little rascal’s eyes. You do…
Hanlon Announces Plan to Open Occom Pond To Offshore Oil and Gas Drilling
HANOVER – Last month, President Hanlon announced that he would begin opening Occom Pond to offshore oil and gas drilling. This move gives energy companies the ability to extract theselucrative natural resources from Dartmouth’s pristine pond, less…
The Dartmovth 17F
The Dartmovth 17F
Student Disappointed by Lack of Week 8 Burnout
Something is very wrong in the world of Jillian Giles ’19. The problem, actually, is that nothing is wrong; despite all her intense preparation for the seemingly inevitable event of a Week 8 burnout, it’s…
The 5 best episodes of Full House (and what they taught us)
For all of us ‘90s kids, Full House was a big part of childhood. We got to watch DJ, Stephanie, and Michelle grow up on screen and deal with the same problems we had, from…
What your Dorm Room Decorations Say about your Stance on Abortion
1. Posters of your favorite movies and TV shows On the surface, there doesn’t seem to be much unique about you. You get along with everyone, you have a healthy social life, and there’s never…
Dartmouth Voices: Provost Carolyn Dever to step down
“Oh, that’s what the blitz was about? All I noticed was the weird line breaks.” – Tracy Divis History of bees major “Too bad Hanlon never blitzes the whole campus to acknowledge faculty of color.”…
Area Dad Gives Freshman Son Extremely Unrealistic Amount of Condoms
Sources confirm that despite overwhelming evidence to refrain, area man Dwayne Rogers has given his son, Max Rogers ’21, a wholly unrealistic amount of condoms for the start of his freshman year. “I know this…