This just in—you did it! Your far-right congressman was so moved by your copy-pasted email that he’s done a complete 180 on every single one of his policies. Rep. Oren Mascow (R-MO) announced the change…
Hey fuckface! Yeah, that’s right I’m talking to you. Do you smell that? Do you smell that glorious fucking smell on this glorious fucking day that’s wafting down Mass row? That’s right motherfucker. It’s fucking…
This past weekend, the Dartmouth Outing Club’s Sophomore Trips program helped students venture into the outdoors to hike, canoe, and more. STRIPS also provided a valuable opportunity for students still on the housing waitlist to…
As temperatures in your dorm continue to rise, even at night, with no air conditioner, we’re here to answer the question on everyone’s minds: how can you decorate your room accordingly? 1-2 hours a day…
Holy Guacamole! That’s a long handle! Still, I’m sad to say that this sword’s not a new one, on account of the fact that all the swords have already been made. That gem on the…
Dean of the College Dear Returning Students, You are receiving this message, today, because you submitted your Housing Intentions form and requested a bed assignment on campus for fall. We are pleased to announce a…
Throughout the pandemic, a wave of people have updated their social media profile pictures to a selfie of themselves wearing a mask. However, recent reporting reveals that these people are entirely missing the point of…
Fans couldn’t help but notice that in recent Dartmouth football promotional photos linebacker Adam Grant ’23 was posing with a football, despite never having touched one in a real game or even during practice. The…
This weekend, A-listers hit the red carpet once again, each rocking their own unique style, one celebrity per outfit. That is, all except for Female Celebrity 1 and Female Celebrity 2, who arrived at the…
“Beep beep boop!” it’s Gizmo the Friendly Robot! Everyone knows Gizmo. You know him from around campus, living up to his moniker; whether in the library helping people with homework or helping new students find…
After their first midterm this week, many CS10 students lamented their lack of success. Namely, they’re frustrated that the computer does exactly what it’s programmed to do. “I know what I want it to do,”…
While you were discussing a problem with your graduate student TA during office hours, the TA corrected you by saying that you were “overthinking” the question. While your TA’s words might have seemed comforting recent…