Extensive investigation has confirmed that most of your friends who have been self identifying as “upper middle class, I guess,” are in fact exceptionally affluent. “I mean, my family is comfortable?” said your friend Lilian…
Dartmouth students who have realized they aren’t interesting or individuals have turned to instead drinking seltzers. “At Dartmouth I met all of these amazing people and realized that I didn’t have a personality,” says Kyle…
Around 11:58 last night, Marcella Moore ‘21, stood at the register of Collis Market with a box of blueberries. Upon her being informed by the cashier that she was negative in Dash, she stared at…
“Making these discoveries and knowing what lies light-years beyond the Milky Way has been the most gratifying experience of my life,” said Micks in his lab. He sighed, ran his hand through a pile of…
High school football prospects at Saturday’s matchup between the two Ivy League football powerhouses report being swayed by Dartmouth’s massive win, more successful housing system. Gordon Crowley, father of Hingham High starting cornerback Max Crowley…
In the first weeks of school, the Dartmouth College Democrats have reported unprecedented turnout at their weekly meetings. However, according to senior member Sam Stevens ‘20, “some attendees aren’t here for progressive policies; they’re here…
As the Chinese crackdown in Hong Kong and abuses of Uighur Muslims attract global scrutiny, one group on campus has been conspicuously silent: the Dartmouth men’s basketball team. “I guess I’m not really that informed…
In response to the emerging prominence of urination culture on campus in the past couple years, our reporters have interviewed a couple students about the practice. Here’s what they found: Valerie ’21 | San Francisco,…
Ever since I saw her, I knew she was the one for me. She was pure, thoughtful, just perfect. Sure, she called me “sister,” but that could be cute, yanno? After our first date, I…
Below is an excerpt from a blog from a ‘23 titled “Live, Love, Pine”: I gasped as soon as I saw him from across the room. There he was, a hunk of pure, masculine, raw academia….
Reports emerged on Saturday that local resident Robert Dunny’s attitude towards women has undergone a dramatic transformation. An inspiration to progressives everywhere, Dunny, who once referred to himself as “the hot daughter spotter,” has renounced…
Henry Ray Cho ‘23 and Maya Edna Ericson ‘23 wed in San Francisco this September. The couple first met at a Choates party during Orientation Week 19F and have been together ever since. Friends from…